Living through the seasons called “hard, scary and painful”

There are many difficult issues and choices to cope with…it’s called life.  When I am not emotionally present or healthy…I sometimes choose to; don’t think about it, don’t want to feel it and I feel like a failure or fraud.  But I know there are consequences if I ignore these issues, live in denial, pretend, and hide behind my “fake up” (e.g., smile, default responses, busyness, excuses or blame).

For some people,  their childhood and youth were full of hardships and then life smooths itself out and they find contentment and acceptance in their later years.  For me, it is the reverse.  My childhood and youth (summer and spring) were less problematic than my “winter” season of life.  I have learned the art of truth telling vs. self-betrayal.  I have learned that glazing over my heartaches or hardships with easy answers so that the people around me wouldn’t be uncomfortable…is no longer a healthy coping skill.  I’m learning to live with the mystery of life.  I’m learning that “hard, scary and pain” are not a life sentence.  I’m learning to breathe through the regrets, sorrow, heaviness and call back my power and peace even while in my storms of “why now!!!…when will it stop?…make it stop Jesus!…help me Lord…how long must I wait?…the pain is unbearable…I can’t breathe.”

Admitting that life is hard or that you don’t have it all together yet… doesn’t make you a failure.  It doesn’t mean you are negative. It doesn’t mean you are defeated.  It doesn’t mean you don’t believe in God.  Admitting where you are emotionally, financially, spiritually, mentally, in your habits, lifestyle, career or your in relationships…makes you courageous. Yes it is a vulnerable place, but a place of freedom, discovery, recovery and exhaling.

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One of my greatest joys and purpose is to create a safe place and events for women to feel safe.  I like to build bridges of hope, faith, guidance and support for women to cross over her feelings of loneliness, stress, shame, loss, anger, procrastination, delays, low self-esteem, depression, disappointments, and dysfunction …to a place where she doesn’t feel alone.

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The storm she is going through may continue to rage, but she can find some calm in the storm.  She can create positive coping skills of resiliency, faith, courage, connections, wisdom, a new perspective and even some humor.

I want to be a transformative resource to her so she can take off any masks and step out of her shell of fear, intimidation, isolation, guilt and shame. ~ Jewel Diamond Taylor, Life Coach, Inspirational Keynote Speaker, Author, aka ‘The Self-esteem Dr.”

exhaling….ahhhhmen

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Feeling so productive

Wow…I can pat myself on the back tonight.  Today was a very productive day.  There have been days I felt like nothing was accomplished…no breakthroughs and no favor from heaven.

Image result for feeling productiveBut today…I accomplished more than what was on my list of “things to complete.”  I got the meeting room I wanted at the hotel for my next event.  I negotiated and got the best price.  I negotiated with the photographer and videographer and received a good price and favor.  I cleaned out my garage and found $120 in the box I was about to throw out!!! The lifting and bending to sort out things in my garage made up for me missing my morning walk.

I decided today that I would not scan and scroll on Facebook which can be eat up my time.  I did post some announcements, but was disciplined and did not scan on Facebook.  I searched for the lowest price on-line for my event banner stand.  I found one, picked it up and met some great people who will be getting more of my business for future events.  I mailed some book orders.  My team checked in with me about their attendance and contributions for the next event.  I confirmed a date for my next Super Goal Saturday Conference for 2017.  I received payments from vendors and ticket sales for my upcoming event this Saturday.  I worked on some of my table decorations for the event.  Thank you Lord for health and strength.  No drama today…no problems…peace and gratitude.

Image result for feeling productiveWhew….exhale….ahhhhhmen!

I wanna fix the pain

I want to tell my loved one that everything is going to be OK.  But I know that it won’t. In this season, life is hard and she/he needs to face their reality without running or numbing their pain with food, sleep, anger, shopping, drugs, alcohol, etc.

I want to shield my loved one from the pain.   But I can’t.

I want to say the right thing … but this crisis is not about me being right.

I want to protect my loved one from the very thing that will make her/him stronger.

I want to kiss the pain away, hug the pain away, block the pain away, talk the pain away, pray the pain…but  I know in my head, this only handicaps and hinders their own faith and trust in God.  But in my heart … I can’t stand to watch those I love in pain.

So is this crisis really about me or them?  Can I sit with the silence?  Can I surrender? Can I breathe and exhale?  Can I stop staring at the ceiling?  Where is my faith?

I tell myself, “Jewel, you cannot be the enabler, protector, fixer, rescuer, messiah and superwoman.  You must step back, let go and let God.

Exhale…..aaaaaahmen

She feels stuck

I spend most of my days reading and answering emails like the one below…

“I am asking for prayer. I am a single parent of a 24 year old son and a 2 1/2 year old that will be turning 3 on Christmas Day. You read it right. There is huge age difference. But truly there are a gift from God. I have been feeling frustrated and trying to stay focused. This has been challenging because my daughter has special needs and my son does not communicate with me. He was recently released from jail this past July. He had been in jail for 6 months and the charges were dropped. My daughter’s father had been so verbally abusive that I allowed him to rob me of my self esteem and self worth.  I feel I have lost myself.  I blocked his calls and asked God to please heal me and not to rehearse or believe the lies of the enemy.  I need Help!!!  I want to be whole where I can be a Godly mother to my children and not harbor unforgiveness, bitterness and identity crises. Thank you for taking the time to read my post but most important to take time to pray.”

Sometimes I sit and stare at them and wonder if I will give the right wisdom and support.  I find myself exhaling with so many women from so many walks of life.  I have been given a front row seat into so many lives…women I will never meet…but they remind me we all have struggle, troubled, hectic, happy, brutal, stressful, beautiful, scary, frustrating, messy and blessed lives.  I don’t want to throw cliches at women like this one.  I’ve been lost and I’ve been found.  I, too, have blocked calls and sat in the dark.  I, too, have cried out “Jesus!!! help me.”

And then I always remember, this, too, shall pass.  I exhale…and I breathe ahhhhmen.

I will answer her soon….what advise would you give her?

 

God is waiting for your RSVP

Every day, you and I are given an “invitation” from God (life) to grow.

The invitation will come through our pain, disappointments, heartache, loss,  and encounters with people.

You can either not show up or say “Yes, I will show up even though I am angry, tired, sad, lonely, addicted, conflicted, prideful, busy, ashamed, feeling guilty or overwhelmed.”

I recently received an invitation from God to grow.  I was convicted to stop judging other people on my first encounter with them.  I’m learning to not always show up with perfect answers and allow the right people “into my living room”, the place where I am living with grief, expectations and disappointments.  I noticed the more I take off my masks of “I’m good, I’m fine”…. the more I can see the pain in others and realize why they are not smiling, showing up, snappy, not returning my calls, etc.  A lot of people have been judged as mean, stuck up or negative when really they are just tired, sad, lonely, stressed, in physical pain, heart broken or feeling socially awkward.

There are some days I can’t breathe from my grief (my son passing from cancer) or from disappointments.  These “holding on by my finger tips days” have invited me to be more patient, present and compassionate with others and myself.  It’s ok to have my feelings.  Feeling sad means I loved someone.  I think people are too quick to call it depression as if it is a disease and something is wrong with us.

When people are going through some tough times …they don’t always need your cliches, scriptures, and upbeat “you’re going be alright speeches and affirmations.”  As I watched my son slowing decline in health, all he wanted was our presence.  And now I get it.  Sometimes I just want someone’s presence  and not a cheerleader.

Exhale with me…….ahhhhhhmen         ahhhhmazing    ahhhhhh

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Pain is a teacher

Your emotional pain is a teacher and some would say it is a gift.

When the pain comes to invade and interrupt my life…I want to find the lesson and gift as soon as I can.  When I can do this, I don’t feel like a victim.

The pain of watching my 98 year old aunt’s health decline is teaching me to be consistent with my daily walking.  It’s teaching me to come out of denial and prepare for the inevitable.

The pain of watching my son die from cancer has taught me to appreciate each day and to remember I can’t take any of my “stuff” with me.  So simplify your life Jewel!

The pain of watching my remaining second son grow through his relationship issues is teaching me to know when to step back, shut up and let him learn…no matter how painful it is.

The pain I feel when my husband and I don’t agree or feel criticized is teaching me to value my opinion and choose my battles wisely.  Most the things we have argued about in the past…I can’t even remember what they were about.  I’m learning to ask myself, “Am I too sensitive?  Or is he too harsh?  Will this really matter in a few days?  What is really going on?  What is the big elephant in the room that we are avoiding?  Are we having a power struggle?

The pain I feel in my knees is teaching me to reduce my meat intake and continue moving with my daily walks to minimize any arthritis.

The pain I feel in my bank account at times is teaching me to be wiser and more disciplined with my shopping and to stop giving away my time and talent.  I am worthy of being paid for my services.  It’s teaching me to speak up when people want to place a discount on my value.

I will NOT let pain come into my life without leaving me a gift of a life lesson.

Exhale….ahhhhhhmen!